This photo right here doesn’t illustrate the emotions behind taking it. Appreciative.
After six months away, I sit again in this role—Paramedic AF.
On my very first call back, a pediatric emergency, I performed like I had never left the trucks. The importance of a strong foundation of knowledge and a great work ethic is paramount. This is the shit I promote to whoever will listen. Raw truth.
I did have mixed feelings throughout the shift:
“Fuck this.” “It’s not so bad.”
After the shift ended, someone asked how I felt being back. I said, “I’m ready for retirement,” kinda serious but joking.
Now at home reflecting on the day, one call, one moment sticks with me. This is that moment…
My first call interrupted my check-off: “5-year-old unresponsive.” I arrived on scene ready with all the knowledge to run a cardiac arrest in the worst-case scenario. Now I stand in front of the parents, the patient, and the grandparents inside the house. I begin my assessment. There is no acute emergency in the moment. I know this, but the family doesn’t.
After a thorough primary assessment, we move to the back of the unit. I’m sitting in the captain’s chair when the mother stands up right in front of me. I look up and see raw panic and distrust in her face. She tries to speak but can’t. Her upper body moves in frantic motion.
“What’s wrong?” I ask. She finally gets it out: “I need help to understand what is happening. Is this normal? I need to know if he is okay!!”
I direct her to sit and tell her straight:
“No, this is not normal. But right now there is no immediate danger to his life. That’s good. He needs the hospital for further evaluation. If anything changes, I am here. I’ll make sure nothing happens to him. You have my word.”
Those words are not half-truths. They are solid truth. What flows through me is a great intent to be the help anyone needs to stay alive. “No one will die in front of me” — that’s the motto I keep inside me. Along with it comes anger toward life itself for all the suffering in this world.
I am a paramedic.
I am in a great war against death and disease.
I am the right person for this moment.
She doesn’t know it. She doesn’t have to see it.
She goes back to sitting next to her child, more calm and at peace.
This is the role those of us who choose this field take on. This is why we must be the best of the best. No mediocrity.
We are symbols of light, hope, and certainty in a world full of darkness and misery.
And so this moment sticks with me.
Why it is important to continue what I have been doing for 13 years now.
This is not just a job. This is life.
This is an endless war.